So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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