I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
