Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
