Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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