The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
