Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
