I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
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Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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