Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
