I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
