I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
