White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
