found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
