Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
