Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
