Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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