yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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