Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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