it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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