Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
