Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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