i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
