Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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