We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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