am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
