My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
