I want to make a zoo with you.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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