he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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