dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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