last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
