I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think my fart just growled at me.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
