My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
