giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
