He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
