In America we eat man semen.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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