i think i have herpe
just one?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everyone says I win the strip club
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
