the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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