Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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