She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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