so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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