Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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