totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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