This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
