That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
