I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
