Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
