Apparently you make a good broom.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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