i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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