If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
