I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
