Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
