Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
