Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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