it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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