ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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