Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
