Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
